I Remain

I still keep your messages
I still have your picture in my room
(no longer on my nightstand but it remains)
I still follow your blogs
I still sleep with your stuffed animal
(no longer every night but he remains)

I still ask our friends about you
I still pray for you every night
and I pray that one day we will speak again
I still worry for you
I still cry for the pain I cause you
and the hurt the world forces on you

I still think about you
I still feel guilt for all I did not know about you
and all you do not know about me
I still feel sorrow for what we lost
I still get angry with you
but no longer as I once did

I still think of your nicknames
I still picture your gentle smile
though I haven't seen it for months
I still miss your whispered comforts
I still long for your arms around me
but I know it was for the best

I still apologize
and I hope you will one day forgive me
but until then, I remain.